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This is not heaven. Feb. 3rd, 2011 @ 03:51 am

The greediest people are not those who will work endlessly for a dollar, but instead, those who will do nothing more than accept it.

I would hope that someone has said that before me, but I really don't know. It would seem that they would have as the value of that statement is more true to me now than ever.

Whatever is given freely is valued as much, and through the gifts to the slothful, we're all made poor. This is true with anything, as difficulty is the universe's only true material value.

Right now my greatest annoyance is knowing that my largest revelation to date is this. That is why this isn't heaven. Because men can ruin anything.

Degree of Life: awakeawake

Slowly but surely. Nov. 4th, 2010 @ 01:02 pm

So, I've been keeping myself busy lately with modding and repairing Xbox 360s. I've even made a little money off of it. I thought I'd take a minute to show off my two units, both of which were red ringing when I aquired them.

Sound of the Hour: Owl City- In Christ Alone

The most interesting story of boredom.... Aug. 12th, 2010 @ 12:32 am
So, I cannot be pleased. I either work too much and am too stressed to enjoy my earnings, or am out of work with nothing to do. Not to mention those bills...

I quit the heating and air job two and a half weeks ago with a shaky promise from O'reilly Auto that I'd have somewhere to go. So far I haven't. I am going tomorrow to "finish the paperwork" however I'm still skeptical that I'll get to start for another day or two. With that said, I'm broke. That doesn't mean much, but it does mean that I can't really do anything right now as far as socializing. Thank God for XBL.

Also, my in-laws (with whom I live) have gone completely nuts. I don't really care to go into details, but part of it has included threats spoken to my wife behind my back concerning my money (what money?) or our posessions. This escalated pretty quickly so I'm also looking for housing when possible too. I'm still living with them as the bi-polar pendelum has already swung back the other way, but that can only last so long.  

I bugged my dad to see if we could go there for a while and he seems against it if possible. I understand though. We've never really gotten along in recent years. We don't really fight, but we rarely agree on things too. As a counter offer, he actually has offered to pay off my car note so we can just get an apartment.

I really appreciate that offer and will certainly take it if I can get a decent income, but I don't think part time at O'reilly counts as such. Either way I still would like to consider a roommate.

Well, it's late and I have a meeting tommorrow so good night. Hopefully next installment will be a bit happier.
Degree of Life: stressedstressed
Sound of the Hour: random techno

Rags to Riches... Never Permenant Jun. 21st, 2010 @ 11:23 pm
Well, I'm sorry to be all emo tonight, but I'm just tired of working jobs that I don't have any desire to make a career out of.

My current kick: Heating and Air
This job has so many clashes with my lifestyle and body that I was actually contemplating asking my superior to have me fired today. In short, I am plagued with gastroentestinal problems so it should be obvious that a job that requires me to travel large distances at an unscheduled, but urgent rate is a bad idea. 

This health clash alone is plenty of reason for me to look for something else, however theres also the fact that those who aren't addicted to illegal substances are in the minority. Don't get me wrong, I've never cared what someone does on thier own nor do I think it's anyone's business, however, if your the driver of a vehicle in which I am riding, I'd prefer you to not be doped up on several different narcotics! Just saying...

So, I know that nobody local checks this journal. Still, I'll be asking this question a lot. Does anyone know of a good job around here?
Degree of Life: blahblah

Almost five years... Jun. 1st, 2010 @ 11:26 pm
Well, as the title says, it's been nearly five years since my last post here. Looking back, I feel that I'm a completely different individual.

The obvious is that I'm married to my beautiful wife Courtney. Our marriage was kinda rushed and scarred by people demonstrating the very controlling attitude that I've since vowed to avoid in my own life. I learned through this experience just what it means to have someone think that they can make your decisions for you, and just how destructive that it can be to the relationships involved. The struggle has helped strengthen Courtney and my own love for each other, however the relationship between us and our different parental figures will probably never completely mend.

With that, I have adopted a montra that I follow quite regularly in my life. It goes as such: "An individual cannot make up the mind of another individual or forcefully influence their personal beliefs".

This has served me greatly since I began following it and I've made it a point to mention it here as well as many other placed for various purposes including explaining that people need no longer fear me going on some demigod-esk rant to let them know exactly why they are wrong and should change everything they believe.

After taking a little time to read back through my previous LJ entries, I would like to apologize to any whom I have demonized in the past. You need not worry my friends. I'm more than willing to give advice and opinions, but never again will I concider myself to have any more power than that concerning someone else's personal choices.

I'm sure I'll expound upon this in the future, but for now, I need sleep.

Goodnight friends, and I love you all.
Current Location: Home
Degree of Life: cheerfulcheerful
Other entries
» Short and sour.
Dear livejournal...
Man, a lot has happened...
It's really confusing to keep up with all of you, but I'll still try.

So, roughly, one is gone, and another half way; many are saddened; two are one, and both are happy; and I am back to accent all.

Sammi, I'm so sorry, because I care.

Alex and Yelly(Danielle), awesome.

And to everyone else, ttyl.
» At least it can be said that I tried.
I remember when it all started; when I met these wonderful people. One little trip with her, and I had suddenly found a world that did much more than create a desire in me to join: it tempted me in. I knew that some of my happiest moments would happen with them all, and that I had to make it into that destiny.

My plot was a simple one: I would use every clever mask, and make myself perfect, so that I could officially elect myself “Fox: the neighborhood pet” (A.K.A.- Everyone’s buddy). So wonderful a plot it was, that it actually worked! I wasn’t the designated punching bag, as I had been in times past. I wasn’t to be hated, or even disliked! How nice it has been!

However, now I have damaged it. I have disappeared too many times. This time I have returned: an unfamiliar face to the cycle of change. I’ve lost my merit, and have squandered away my talent. I am, once again a leeching growth to the utopia that I knew. Again, I fail to fit without displacing other more diligent beings.

I’m sorry.

How long promised land? How long till I have grown too much, and must be weeded from the crop? Has it already began? Is that why I am so ashamed? I miss my use, and loath all that could have been. I suppose that I have reached a time to watch what I lost with a diligent eye, and learn to never quit again.

Regardless of my loss. I will always love you all, and will keep clinging: hoping to again fit.

May this silent night, same as all others, give me reason to continue searching. Sometimes I can dream, and it will actually come true.
» Sorry should never be enough.
*Silently Sobs*

It seems as if all I can do when on the phone with her is be suspicious. I'm sorry. I owe her a lot.

Basically, the least of my problems is that the computer nazis at work have banned livejournal via the internet filter in effect. That's why I haven't visited here in a while.

Luckily, I was able to visit today, so that I could find two friends whom I desperately wish I could hug right now, and one who is quickly diving into the worst decision of her life... or was that last week? (She seems to do that a lot).

S1nC3 |'M iN @ Bad M00d...

I guess I can afford to ruin a surprise. (Not much of a suprise anyway, I think it's already been around.) I am finalizing the deal tomorrow on the purchase of a '95 Pontiac Firebird. It's a 5-speed, 3.4L V6, with a 3.5" (custom built) exhaust, and one heck of a sound system. Basically, It's all I have dreamed of concerning a car.

Yet, the hilarity of it all can be found in how sad all these happenings have still made me. I learned a while back that cars aren't everything.

Worse though, I still missed church this week, if not for last week, it would have been well over a month. I just don't think sorry is enough. Perhaps I can offer everyone one favor (and no, you can't have the car ;p). Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. If you need something: ask me.

As good of a plan as it is, I have to admit: I am not at all reliable. *bows his head in shame, with his tail curling underneath him*

Sorry isn't not enough.
» I know you didn't want me to say this,
I've been alerted to my stupidity on multiple levels now, so first I need to do some house-cleaning.

Court, I'm so sorry hun. I didn't mean to make it sound like you were keeping me from going to youth. In reality, I have a weakness that makes it to where once I'm around you, I can't leave you until I am forced by the hour. With that being said, I keep choosing not to leave you on Sunday nights to go to youth. It isn't your fault, and I didn't mean to blame you. It's my fault, and no one else's. I know that you forgave me last night, but I still feel terrible. I love you, and that will never change.
» It's probably sleep related...
Yeah, and stuff.

Basically, I am having problems. I keep missing youth, and I feel like I'll never see everyone again. I feel like I did a few months ago: as if I'm better off forgotten, although that thought hurts. I just don't know what to do. I promised. So why wasn't I there?

*feels like trash*

I have a serious load of crap on my mind; and no, that's not meant to be an excuse. I'm fresh out of those. I would come Sunday nights, but then Courtney wouldn't come, because of the split. I know that it's because she'd get nervous, but it really seems like she relies too much on me. I know that she doesn't mean to hold me back. Perhaps if I tell her that, she'll get brave and come.

I'm so easily phased out of the picture now, and it IS my fault. Forgive me.

I guess I'll just go back to reading posts about things that I have missed and be depressed again.
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